[[ + mAine + ]]

2009-12-16T03:19:00.004+08:00

it's been quite some time ever since.. i dream about you or thought of you randomly myself.

a simple, how are you? are you fine? seems so hard to ask. no doubt, you made a great impact in my life.

"i believe if our hearts stay as one, heavenlove always stays in our hearts." - no longer believe.

i chosen to believe.. it's a lie. beautiful yet harsh lie. beautiful for the sake that im once your everything. harsh for the sake of leaving me all alone. i shan't doubt your love for me coz i felt it once... im loved.

it's too much to bare. i chose... to let it go. and im glad, we made the right choice for each other.

it's just randommm...

wish wish wish..

2009-09-28T14:21:00.001+08:00

it's just the month of the year when I create a big headache for my closest. lol.

basically.. will be celebrating at st James I suppose.

needs wise... actually I dun need anything ya. maybe.. more cash?? more funds for investment and school fees? lol.

I want school bag from dkny. wallet from loewe maybe?

else... get cosmetics. I'm a lancome and sk lover. haha. or the most practical thing is ang bao or tangs/taka vouchers.

ps - this post is only for my close ones that is having headache coz of my present ya. lol.

2009-05-23T06:01:00.002+08:00

i want to be complete.
and,
i can only rely on myself.

looking out of the picture,
searching for the ans i wish to know all along.

im not running away.

bringing out the courage to face it,
yet;
i still could not get any ans.

`lost herself 'once' again -

if both can be truthful,
hurt will not exist.

2009-05-21T01:38:00.002+08:00

kids quarrel thru blogs.
children expect ppl to "communicate" and know what they want thru blogs.

somehow.. i dun understand the point of having a blog.

at least, for me. it's a place i rant whatever i want.

hence, do not question me anything for what i posted. coz.. i blog without thinking.. i blog with what's in my mind at that point of time.

also.. it's for my busy "friends" to keep an update of my life. =))

16th May 2009

2009-05-17T22:54:00.001+08:00

yeah. my idol.. married at last. =)

best wishes to Fann Wong and Christopher Lee. =))

\\

alright. study time.

xoxo

2009-05-15T01:31:00.003+08:00

am too sick to study. but i dun wish to fail my accounting.

i'll wake up later to study. =(

2009-05-14T13:27:00.002+08:00

exam! exam~ exam!!

im becoming a freak due to exam.

totally moodless!!

no longer the perfectionist -

2009-05-10T02:22:00.000+08:00

it changes the moment you said "calculative".

that's my new image. be it, it's that word to use or not.. at that very moment, you mean it. and that's why im dishearten.

i used to be a perfectionist to you.. but no longer now.

random.

2009-02-26T01:34:00.002+08:00

at times, you know that it's an end, but yet, you hold on so tight and do not want to release yourself out of whatever you behold.

at times, you know that it's someone you can't let go, but yet, you convince yourself, it's gone and forever gone.

at times, you know how lonely you can be, but yet, you choose to forgo the one who love you so much and betray his/her love.

if oneself is so easy to replace in one heart, than, where's true love? or be it... there's no true love to be deserved?

i wun show a single sympathy cos it's herself who chose the path she 'thought' she wanted.

LOVE? i no longer understand humans'. Maybe I am really becoming some creature? lol. Cold-blooded.

xoxo

2009-02-26T01:13:00.003+08:00

MIA for a period of time and i finally have the time to blog.

endless stuff to complete. sch work, work, projects, on hold follow ups. it's time to find a better prospect in career, but later. so gonna get my degree first.

i need more rest, more slp, more time. and seriously, i am stress for work and apparently i was stress up further by Mr. Irritant. I jolly well know it's not his fault, but due to all the stressful problems I am facing, i flare up for tiny little thing and ignore him the whole day. Obviously, i know i am at fault but I just dun wish to admit it's my fault. Pardon me for being stubborn. I guess i just need to cool myself down before another argument arise. Though i wish for his understanding, but i didnt bother to let him understand the situation im facing.

sigh.

2009-01-05T01:41:00.001+08:00

eventful moment for xmas and new yr. not to elaborate. im content with everything surround me.

p.s. provided JC stop bullying me! stop pissing me off! start to listen to me more! grrr..

2009-01-05T01:38:00.001+08:00

As expected. It's out. due to too many ppl carrying the monogram canvas, i decided to get the damier design instead!! waiting for it to be launch in spore..!!

2008-11-19T02:36:00.003+08:00

the simplest thing ever to do - be a poser
the hardest thing ever to do - be a poser.

why so? i'll explain this contridicting point.

firstly.. if you don't have that standard, don't have that capability, don't have that money, don't have that status, don't try to imitate others.

secondly.. be content with whatever you have and stop being envious over others.

thirdly.. no matter what you did or try to follow, overall, you're just a faker COPYCAT.

it's easy to follow ppl's footsteps (bcoz you just COPY), but it's hard to do it right. (bcoz you know nuts about EVERYTHING)

p.s dont understand? use your brain to think. =)

2008-11-18T23:20:00.008+08:00

finally have the time to post up pictures.
my birthday gifts from the beloved -
coach sling bag, coach wallet, coach coin purse, guess watch, kitty webcam, polariod, ipod touch, SKII kit, parker pen.

171108
dressed up. met jc at far east. as usual. late. waited while den, i shopped. but i got so irritated by nth to shop so decided to rest my feet for dinner. had pasta at mania. shortly, we decided to gave xx a surprise at her work place. bought soup for her and in the end, jc finished all. (what's new?)

waited for jasper to end work and headed to mac for 'dinner/supper'. gossip, play and had fun. they're happily planning for their dec trip. (but cancelled) HAHA.

pictures -

petsocietying explained for the puffy eyes.
xx bullying jc
dressing for the day -
3 mad ppl playing ard in the toilet. HAHA.

ms attitude/s
hot stuffs

smooch..

chao ah lian. haha.
stop pointing your middle finger ard, jas.
lodgeheaded. HAHA.

181108
met up with rebecca. she's doing fine with her business now. actually i didnt really get what she said.. but somehow, a supplier. short chat and soon later i went to meet mrs lim when she knock off.

had fun. crapping with mrs lim. ate the indonesian food that I'd been craving for. shop and shop for shan's presents. finally, settled with RL polo and FCUK tee. i enjoyed every moment with mrs lim.

home sweet home after shopping. tired. and im so 'nice' to take a bus home though im tired. HAHA. chat with mum, dad and sis. mummy bought my fav strawberries for me. YEAH. im so tempted to get the LV bag for her. well, i think shld bring her there to choose. Though a little ex, most importantly, she like it. =)

mummy's want - LV - monogram canvas - eva clutch
maine's want - COACH - madison - op art large sabrina

maine's want - LV - epi leather - zippy coin purse

Moviemanics -

2008-11-18T23:03:00.001+08:00

201008
due to it's maine, so my beloved kor meet me for dinner to make up for my birthday and jc's birthday celebration. (yes. THAT LATE!)

went amk hub and had lots of fun playing with the movie posters. haha. pictures explains.

if you din notice this pose, look carefully at the poster again. haha.

not cute enough. boo..

kor, you're supposed to show your waist. not sexy enough. -_-
we had fun playing outside the cinema before we went in to watch butterfly lovers. I LOVE MY KOR!! muackzz..

2008-11-17T01:24:00.002+08:00

i just realised.. out of the sudden.. 1 week passed. and i haven really enjoyed my holidays! CRAP! how can. need to spend more time at home and meet up with my friends.

ALOT of ppl to meet up. FULL of program next week.

mon - home sweet home.
tue - meet up with mrs. lim
wed - meet up with gfs
thur - not decided
fri - not decided
sat - stay home most prob
sun - fetch dad and mum

okie. guess... i need to plan and fully utilise my leaves...
yAwnz.
back to petsociety-ing. =)

2008-11-17T01:20:00.001+08:00

enjoyed crapping at nikki's place yest. well.. chat awhile... nikki keep making fun of jean's promo uniform. meanie nikki.

had fun eating supper together, facebook-ing, pet-society-ing, gossiping bla bla.

hopefully i can get my leave and off i go to BKK again~ but this time rd, with the girlfriends. =)

LOVES!

2008-11-11T16:48:00.002+08:00

i think i begin to hate having "history".

was viewing thru all those friendster testi. be it, mine or JC or xx or jasper or others... instead of "missing/sad/smile" over the past.. i felt irritated.

Irritated that all of them did not fulfill their promises to each other. Irritated that everyone is just lying. lied about forever. lied about loving. lied about every every every thing.

count me for being unreasonable. i understand that's the feel of "that time". but why did some ppl manage to say those words/promises "that time" and in the end, going against what they'd said. CRAP! simply hate hate hate such ppl. and to think there's someone who love them? nah.. to correct, it's not love.. is treating them as a companion.

if you think, the one who love is so easy to be replaced, that's not true love. at least.... if you truly love before, he/she remains the one in your heart. be it selfish, but he/she will always be there.

maybe i don't know much about love. maybe i mistaken all the concept of love. but.. one thing remain there forever as a fact. LOVE SIMPLY HURTS. isnt it so?

2008-11-04T14:47:00.003+08:00

Guess I'm really bored. I'm actually using my I touch to blog. Haha. Alright.. I'm just trying out la! All coz of jc. =( he dun let me go shopping coz must save for our trip to japan. Well.. I shall be good girl and dun shop for the mth. i'm so looking forward for my upcoming 2 weeks leaves. Finally a good rest. No more early morning.. Well at least for that 2 weeks la. Completing the last paper by 12 nov and I'll be free!! Yeah. Jc also took leave to accompany me ya. Though not 2 weeks la. But at least I pester him to take leave and accompany me!

2008-11-03T00:52:00.002+08:00

time for some updates.

i had the ever most wonderful october. though stressful due to studies, but overall, im contented to have all my darlings around.

firstly -
memorable bday celebration. there were several celebration.

PART 1
celebration with gfs and the boys. location was at kandi bar. of coz, as usual, DRINKING. initial i thought it was just like a normal chill up, but was surprise that jean gf bought a cake for me. (p.s though i dun like blueberry cake. =x) BUT sweets. we headed to TOP ONE KTV for 2nd round. endless of martel, and the boys trying to make me drop dead but of coz i din. the whole KTV session seems to be jean and my concert. The boys dun sing and nikki gf dun sing. -_- anyway, LOVES my gfs!! i believe nikki gf made the effort to drag the boys along. haha. and my bf... came with his botak head and i know he rush down from camp. APPRECIATED!!

PART 2
7 oct was a tue. i went to sch but left after break. JC and Ade jie fetch me from sch and we went down to town for dinner. was starving by than. headed to cine and meet ah boon for HK cafe together. after dinner, JC said going down to boat quay(actually i dun remember where we're heading to intially.) BUT in the end, he hold me tight and lead me to walk towards center point direction. I was puzzled and keep asking why we walk here bla bla bla.. he just kept smiling and i just follow. the hand lead me to alley bar, and to my surprise, i saw mrs lim, john, xx and jasper waiting for me. they're there to count down for me! HAPPY! countdown to my bday and they presented me with awfully chocolate cake! my fav! Had fun taking photos and playing ard at that eerie bar and had fun with all my beloved celebrating my bday with me. Mrs Lim and Xx gave me a coach wallet which I LOVE IT A LOT! Ade jie and Boon gave me a Parker pen. =) The surprise was planned by JC. =)) LOVES!

PART 3
colleagues send me all their wishings. lunch on them. HAPPY HAPPY!! love them lots. a little sad to work on actual day but nvm la... i need my leaves for exam.

due to product presentation, was required to head to Great World. so met up with baby and collected my bday present. Sad to say, after so long, she do my taste in choosing accessories. I was surprised. She gave me a Guess watch which i wanted to get it intially. Thanks for the gift. =)

PART 4
dinner with JC. alright, i sort of forgot that hotel name, but JC will tagged in right? haha. wonderful atmosphere though the food is not very nice. JC said he wanted to stay over next time. Even though it's really a simple dinner, but i felt the effort that was put in too. MUACKZ Mr. Irritant!

PART 5
the grand celebration. RASA SENTOSA DELUX SUITE. i seriously still mind a lot that JC spent $750 for one night + food + transport + this + that almost $1.5k, but we enjoyed a lot a lot a lot!! I din make it really "grand" but just invited my close ones to chill and gather together. Majority came, except for the expected sunzi and lao da, but i forgive them for a valid reason. HAHA. It's really Drink, Drank and Get Drunk day. Drink so much, mixed with disgusting combination and bla bla. I hope all my love ones enjoyed as much as I do. Apologise if i din entertain anyone much.. i greatly appreciate those who came.

Thanks to the following -
Xx - for helping up with Mr. Irritant
Mrs Lim & John - for entertaining me and enjoy doing stupid things like in sec sch.
Jean & Nikki GFs - for giving me a BIG surprise once again
Rus - for sending my gfs over. HAHA.
Gal & Alvin - for treating me with DRINKS on behalf of lao da and edeline. -_-
Lao gong, Tony, Jonathan, Shikin, Maryl, Jasper, Eddyn, Ade jie, Ah Boon, Jassy, Xiaowei, Jessie and Jules.

PART 6
the celebration of CL & JC's BDAY! romantic stay at Siloso Resort with Mr Irritant Only. not to elborate the content but... sweet. =)

PART 7
take this as part of the belated celebration. MEET UP WITH MY DEAREST SUNZI. gathering of mrs lim, shan, shu hui and me! im replacing john to be with mrs lim that day! went for dinner. my craving, bak kut teh and canelle for desserts. xx joined us after work too. as i mentioned again and again... the bond that never change. Unable to find a word to describe how much i love them.

I thanks all for creating all these memorables event specially for me. I thanks my beloved Mr. Irritant for surprising me with all his stupid ideas! i thanks my Mr. Chen for making his upmost effort to make me happy! i thanks my mistress for spending so much! i thanks my baobei for upholding his promise! i thanks my dear for loving me with all he can and i greatly appreciate everything he did just for his beloved Ms. Being Irritated. LOVES!

安静了

2008-10-25T02:37:00.000+08:00

只剩下钢琴陪我站在这里
梦想中属於我们的婚礼
却成了单人结婚进行曲
在这场爱情角力的拔河里
爱我还是爱你
你选择了自己 wo~

撒娇的可爱的
迷人的爱哭的
照片里曾经的都是你喜欢的
如今我还在原地
你却走回你的记忆

你说我爱你太多就快要把你淹没
你害怕幸福短暂一秒就崩落
分开是一种解脱让你好好的想过
我想要的那片天空你是不是能够给我

你说我给你太多却不能给我什麽
分不清激情承诺永恒或迷惑
爱情是一道伤口我们各自苦痛
沉默是我最後温柔是因为我太爱你
只剩下钢琴陪我站在这里
梦想中属於我们的婚礼
安静了在我枕边的梦里
我知道相爱原本就不容易
爱不是一场雨
努力就有结局 wo~
撒娇的可爱的
迷人的爱哭的
照片里曾经的都是你爱着你的
连假的泪还温热
却没有人握我的手

你说我爱你太多就快要把你淹没
你害怕幸福短暂一秒就崩落
分开是一种解脱让你好好的想过
我想要的那片天空你是不是能够给我

你说我给你太多却不能给我什麽
分不清激情承诺永恒或迷惑
爱情是一道伤口我们各自苦痛
沉默是我最後温柔是因为我太爱你

2008-10-08T21:39:00.000+08:00

sweet birthday.
thanks all for the celebration. surprises. presents. and wishes.

i wish for good health.
i wish for good results in academic.
i wish for good future.
i wish for happiness.
i wish to be happy.
i wish to forget the pain.
i wish to move on well.
i wish. i wish.

i love my sweetest to bits. and i love every single one who cares for me.
yes. enjoyment happened all because it's Ms Charmaine Lim's big day.

my desire~

2008-09-25T18:12:00.003+08:00

2008-09-24T00:34:00.003+08:00

i am too. blessed with my JC tubby by my side.. not forgetting all my darlz.

loves dear to bits..
loves mrs lim to bits..
loves sunzi to bits..
loves lao da to bits..
loves lao san to bits..
loves aiai to bits..
loves xx gal to bits..
loves amy kor to bits..
loves jesse to bits..
loves naggy jasper to bits..
loves nu er to bits..
loves lao gong to bits..
loves jean gf to bits..
loves nikki to bits..
loves maryl to bits..
loves shikin to bits..
loves mich mummy to bits..
loves bfs to bits..
loves anna to bits..
loves my family to bits..

loves.. loves.. loves..

the list goes on. love all who loves me! muAckz.

2008-09-23T03:10:00.003+08:00

my tubby just made me felt worthless out of the sudden. i wonder doesn't she fear den?

my dun bother to explain leads to the misunderstanding to pile up, hence, im required to bear the consequences for losing the one i love.

if time can turn back.. i wish she din meet me.. duno me. so, she wun be feeling miserable for so long. she also wun be feeling so guilty when meeting others behind my back. she also also wun be feeling sad for so long.

i wish... babyangel never came across babydevil's life before.
i wish, i could, but i cant.
the devil's only angel - evolnevaeh -

the song from you to me

2008-09-23T03:07:00.000+08:00

你拨的电话未开机,请稍后再拨
我知道你要给我怎么样的小任性
我知道你要给我这样的臭脾气
我知道你要给我这种那种
i don't wanna被搜寻

你知道我要给你怎么样的大道理
你知道我要给你这样的耍甜蜜
你知道我要给你这种那种
i don't wanna被设定

0932313我爱你是不是你真的没开机
有没有看到我传的短讯
是否应该删除你的记忆
0932313我爱你
你不会狠心到又关机
看着彩色屏幕没反应
最怕就是没有一格收讯
会议中不敢待成静音
就怕在第一时间漏掉你的消息

热恋中多少浓情蜜意
那些储存的讯息每一个字都让人痛心
0932想一想我爱你
你是真的狠下心关机
看着彩色屏幕没反应
也许应该删除我的记忆
不要再想过去
我还是想你
0932

2008-09-23T01:33:00.003+08:00

hiding that in sensual feel.

i promised myself.. cry no more.. but tears flow still. human love to contradict themselves. I believe same goes to me.

heart aching non stop for recalling the past. it's me who lead to this stage, am i right to say? due to the assumption feel of "i thought".

thinking that without explanation, ppl will understand how you feel. thinking that without saying, everything will be resolve. thinking that "you thought so", ppl will think the way you thought.

often asked.. do you feel that her love for you will always remain?

often answered.. yes. i think. that's what i belief.

back to the point.. this is "i thought". not "she answers".

the fear i brought to her.. leads to the insecurity she had for me. on the other hand, leads to my assurance for the level of love i placed to her.

conclusion to make... dun assume.. once again~
to reasure.. it's love that leads us thru till den.

2008-09-03T13:26:00.001+08:00

an issue arise due to words of anger. have you ever come across your mind, yes.. the person provoke you but please recall.. it's someone you once love deeply for. recall every event with her, recall every single thing she did for you and recall her effort and your effort to maintain the relationship for so long? to classify disgraceful, aint you also being disgraceful for being with her for so long? OR think over.. is disgraceful too strong a word to use? A relationship, be it the past or present, at the very moment you're loving the person, you love with no condition. To regret, you could only blame yourself for loving the wrong person. After all, it was your own responsibility to 'accept' the person you'd a relationship with.

i hold respondsibility for my relationship. never once felt disgraceful on any of my ex regardless im well treated or not. I always believe (or maybe lie to myself) that im really once deeply loved. It's for you to define am I worth loving and not for you to doubt. the first one make me know what's pampering, what's jealousy, what's the feel of being love. the second one make me know what's love and be love, what's happiness, what's endless pampering, what's endless giving in, what's attitude, what's temper, what's sacrifices, what's giving up everything just for the one you love. As a gf, i gave all out to love and protect my love. i hold on to my love. i tried to be fair. i believe in the trust given, and hold tight to the trust in my relationship. It's all coz of love... make me who i am now. Be it, better or worse. =)

Once said, if my love betray the trust I gave, that will be hell. come to a point, whatever said and done, isn't just a simple 'sorry' everything can be simply resolve. human take time to forget. and it's time that allow the wound to cure but scar will remain forever.

im getting really tired.. tired of everything.... sch.. work.. bla bla bla... not enough time for myself.. not enough time for my darling frenz.. not enough. =( my body is protesting for a long break.. how i wish i have.. but my leaves.. seems to be for the sake of exam. -_-

at the same time.. im enjoying.. enjoying the moment with mrs lim and sunzi. enjoying all the craps and past event brought up again and again in our conversations that made us laugh out loud. enjoying mummy michelle's bday celebration. enjoying the gfs meet up. enjoying the ladies meet up. enjoying moment spend with mr. irritant. i cherish the moment we bond together.

next to come. i wana meet my b.itch. my aiai. my kor. nasty. nikki and jean gfs. lao da and lao san ladies again again. beloved mrs lim and sunzi. by the way... shu hui too. been some time ever since i last saw her... hmMMm..

going forward... a lot of event to come by. my birthday, mr. irritant's birthday, nasty's birthday, nikki's birthday, sunzi's birthday, blablablablablabla.

shall i make a wish, make a wish.... wishing for my wonderfull friends to give me the ever most wonderful gifts.. haha.

happy happy threesome day~

2008-08-25T02:13:00.004+08:00

finally.. the 3 met up. loves! i miss those threesome days. haha.

met up with mrs lim and sunzi. a bday met up with our dearest darling. =) korean food treated by mrs lim. hk high tea treated by sunzi. neoprints taking treated by me. we ate, chat, gossip, photos taking, neoprints taking and shop! missing those days. never ending of topics to say. same thing we laughed over and over again. As said.. irregardless how many misunderstandings or we'd drifted apart over the years, this bond.. will never break. =D It's hard to find best friends around. Friends that would not make use of you. Friends that will not take you for granted. Friends that treat you as precious as I treat them. Yes.. and that's solely belongs to Charmaine Lim's listed of beloved darlings.

firstly.. shall wish my dearest darling.. HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY! hope she enjoyed all her celebration and of coz the gifts received. Though a little of unhappiness came by, still it's your big day. Hopefully it's enjoyable.

secondly.. i wish to shout out... i love my mrs lim and sunzi.. FOREVER and EVER. this is the FOREVER.. I WILL COMMIT!

thirdly.. i wana go shopping.. meet up again soon k?? sunzi too.. you need to be around to help us carry our shopping bags. haha.

her ah ma. my sunzi. =)

mrs lim having the 'tou hua'

2008-08-24T09:30:00.004+08:00

happy birthday my dearest gaigai. haha.

yes, it's gaigai's birthday. And he is currently officially 2 years old. haha. =)

still staying cute and with all the little ones accompanying him. keke.

a little mad.. but duh~ cannot har?

gaigai and the little ones.

little gaigai and mummy

2008-08-20T22:04:00.002+08:00

i mentioned.. it's not easy to handle what im handling now.

i apologise for my mind CANT think positively the way you meant!

breakdown.finally. tears just roll and roll... and..... im... really tired.

STOP mentioning the past the past the past. my memory fails to remember anything in particular. STOP remind me to recall. im not bothered by the past, nor the person that step into my life before!

dun arise the evil side of my temper! just DUN!

sob.

2008-08-20T18:29:00.003+08:00

i am.. ultra ultra tired. pardon me for showing AP. im just really tired.

it's just a passing remark and yes.. im being 'say'. alright. fine... I BUY THAT THING FOR BOTH PERSON AND I HAVE TO BEAR THE CONSQ.

grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.........................

this is not a very good day to say or comment anything like tat. i've already said.. i dun feel good.

fcuk. what am i doing? my body protesting for a rest and my mind.. tells me.. i need to complete my assignment.

im getting a little emotional.. falling apart.. breaking dwn.... once again.

you may or may not understand the stress im having. studies nv impt to certain ppl, but i want my degree. it's nv easy to work and sch together. im controlling my temper, not to lose my cool.

2008-08-01T02:47:00.002+08:00

tired!

met up with the darlings. chill together. =) not much of gossiping.. but well, just gathering with mummy and daddy. germaine and bf too. love the chill out. had fun.

meeting my gfs tml. HAPPY HAPPY. shopping trip again again.. and we shall try to look ard for chanel's bag. haha. else.. nicole gotta ship in if she really wants.

well.. i felt a little.. not well. body aching and dun seems to 'can take it'. really tired. =(

my gf.. happily slp first.. w/o ME! my body ache till so pain and i cant slp. no one entertains me. im sad.... sob.

2008-07-30T23:48:00.002+08:00

official housewife of Jove Chen! sat and sun spent, HOME! cleaning the house, washing clothes, folding dear's clothes. cooking lunch and dinner. vcd, dvd and mj games. spore too small to explore further. save more for our next trip, we shall stay home and be caveman and cavewoman.

meet up with the gfs. dinner and gossip session never ending. we landed at nikki's place drinking and playing boardgames! haha.

meet up with xx on sun and dinner prepared by ms lim and mr chen for my beloved gal. i believe she's very full that day! haha. what shall be the next dinner be? any craving?

meet up with ling. short shopping trip and dinner together at SIM. sch is so boring. I attempt to fell aslp so many times. as said, i love the bond which remain since sec. we shared some past today.. and i miss my ex quite a little. STUPID DRANGONFLY! haha. the topic never less out that horse still.. i wonder when shall we stop discussing abt her.. a little hard har? haha!

my past with her can be so sweet. while reading thru the diary, im amazed by the language and every silly events that we'd been thru before. really happy moment.. except for the part... haha. crap. not to mention. =)

anyway.. sch started and it sux! so tired and really tired!! =( lesson on tue and wed. dun arrange meet up on the both day wor.

well.. back home early today. my gf happily playing herself at ktv pub without me!! =( alright, i shall be nice and not to grumble. let her have fun with her frenz den. heex.

i took the quiz too. same result as ling. haha.

2008-07-30T23:47:00.000+08:00

You're a girly flirt
When it comes to flirting, you don't like to be too aggressive in your pursuit. You just let men make the first move. And they always do! That's because they're attracted to your girl-next-door charm, and your friendliness means guys aren't too intimated by you to approach.

Your only weakness? Sometimes you tend to be a tad too shy or subtle in your seductions. Even if you really like someone, you'd rather keep those feelings to yourself than risk exposing your true emotions. But opening up doesn't have to mean an all-out confession: By mastering a few body language signals of attraction (such as lingering your gaze, touching his arm, etc.), you'll send the message that you're interested without appearing too obvious.

2008-07-22T01:35:00.003+08:00

wonderful gathering. wonderful bday dinner. wonderful group. wonderful soul mates.

as realized by JC and CL, true friends keep the bond together. true friends be there for each other. true friends go thru happiness and sadness.

i remembered crying hard on the phone to ling.
i remembered crying hard on the phone to xx.
i remembered crying hard on the phone to amy.
i remembered crying hard on the phone to JC.

the fragile heart was hidden by my strong front. the more i wana hide it, the more they feel my pain. i wish and hope i'll never cry again. at least.. not tears of hurt and pain.

mummy and mei bought a lot of goodies from japan. out of the blue, mummy bought me a lot of hp strip. haha. she would want me to replace the one i put to hers'. i knew that she knows who gave me the hp strip. maybe tat's why she hope i'll change it so as not to think so much anymore. at least, dont see it, dont miss her.

my heart needs time to recover and JC been making a lot of effort to make me recover. I know and im aware. thanks for not giving up on me and accepting the way i am. my gf wonderful, isnt she?

my dear, you aint alone. im still here by your side. i know i cant replace her, but at least im here to accompany you. cheers k? let her rest in peace and yes, we shall see her off with our smiling face.

=)

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY TO ADELINE JIE AND AMY KOR!!
LOVE BOTH DEEP DEEP!!
and HOPE ALL ENJOYED!!

2008-07-16T00:35:00.002+08:00

*cold.

not feeling very good now. air con a little too strong. head is spinning ard. tired.

my chimp happily sleep herself - on my bed. she snore to the extend of letting everyone knows that she's aslp.

tooopid jasper.. make her wait for too long. payback!!

im tired. sign off den.

xx - meet meet! we shall discuss more when we meet up.. tml?? MISS LOTS!

2008-07-15T00:55:00.001+08:00

my gf.. changed my status to MARRIED.
and she said, i belong to her.
no, i said.
i belongs to my dad and mum.

whahahaha..

2008-07-13T19:20:00.002+08:00

summarize,
a sad new that we'd prepared for. jc's mum passed away peacefully on Monday 070708. been busy helping out at the funeral. of coz.. every moment seems so familiar to me. dun wish to recall, but still, i miss him lots. i understand the pain. understand the hurt. understand the feeling of don't bear to let her go. understand the memories of the past. understand the need to have someone by your side. irregardless how tired am i, i still wish to stay by your side longer.

thanks on behalf. thanks for those that care. thanks for those who accompanied till late night. thanks for those who contributes. thanks for all the concerns. i believe it's till such moment, you will really know what's call true friends. and i believe dear realized, she has a lot. =)

blame myself for arguing with you when you're feeling down. blame myself for pushing you too hard to find out the truth. im sorry. i din mean to push or force you. just that since i found out already, the more i shld know the story inside out.

dun wish to care anymore. i only wish to be by your side. to wipe your tears away. to hug you when you're down. to pat you when you lose hope. jc, loves!

my past haunt me too much. cried hard and it hurt even more. my heart wants to believe my love, but my mind wants me to face the fact. blame myself for viewing blogs. blame myself to recall the period of time. am i the one at fault to cause my rs failure? am i to be blamed? i know it's the past. but why do the past still hurt so much?

2008-07-06T23:36:00.001+08:00

am back.
but
im sick!
diaoz..
very sick sia..
=(
down with fever, flu, cough, gastric.
=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(

2008-07-05T01:03:00.001+08:00

bintan... OFF I GO!!
miss all. deeply.

HK!

2008-07-01T01:42:00.008+08:00

my family at THE PEAK!

THE PEAK TRAM

FOUR SEASON HOTEL IN HK! nice.

COUSINS AT MACAU

THE REMAIN OF A CHURCH AFTER WORLD WAR II

THE SKY FROM PLANE

LV BAG FROM DAD. latest design.

US

2008-06-29T21:35:00.002+08:00

the expected plan. not surprising. mainly.. know why? maine aint easy to bluff la. haha.

well,
anyway,
CL is under JCs' possession.

=)

2008-06-26T01:30:00.005+08:00

back back!
finally back but going off again~
fruitful trip and i enjoyed! =)
bought a lot a lot of things.
ALL FROM DAD!
got my favourite LV bag and i simply LOVE IT!

alot of changes coming up and i can forsee a major change in everything. it's at the mid point when i have to decide where to go and what to do, the path to choose. i guess im old enough to think of my future. the position to take up, the pay i shld be getting and the lifestyle i wan. =)

bad debts to collect back. sch fee is becoming a burden and i need that cash. so... people who owe me money... clear up your debt quick. =)

kor and jie bday coming up. gal seems excited to start planning le. haha. =X well.. small gathering at my place and shall enjoy to the fullest wor.

a brief update den. dun really wana type much!

by the way,
to all my close ones. MISS DEEPLY! miss darling mrs lim, sunzi, nikki gf, jeannie gf, lao da, lao san, bitch, maryl, shikin, laogong, bf 1, bf 2, nu er, boy etc.

TIME TO MEET UP LE. A LOT TO UPDATE YA before im being stuck with sch and work, OUTING QUICK!!

XX - gal, where's our shopping trip? I WAN SHOPPING!! Gals talk soon again wor. Shall go out with you only and continue our gals talk. haha.

DEAR - my late update is ALL BCOZ of you. Nevertheless, I understand. Sorry that at time I fell aslp earlier coz im too tired. Don't mind if my cooking aint that great. Well, we will have to go with simple and tasteless food coz your mum cant eat food with much flavouring. I appreciate everything you'd did. I know you wish to accompany me till late and send me home. But I would want you to be home early and take care of your mum. Don't feel bad if you need to go home early ya. Im okie with it and i understand. Moreover, gal will accompany me or I can also go home early ya. =) BE GOOD k? listen to me! haha. =x My personal organiser and bad debt collecter. Im your personal finance CEO! save up together k? for our bdays and our trip. dun plan anything on pay day or get me anything. I have everything I want already. Even if I really want anything, I can get it for myself. That's more meaningful instead of relying on others to get it for me.

2008-06-10T18:40:00.001+08:00

this week - is without maine week!

im leaving for HK tml and dear expect me to blog down how much i will miss her.
so... yes dear.. will miss you alot alot alot alot can? haha.

im going for a short trip but i believe to baobei and all my darlings.. it's a long trip haR? haha. happy missing me.. but dun make me sneeze too much k? HK is cold enough le. my tummy aching now and i guess dear cursing me to fall sick so i cannot go HK right? EVIL CHIMP!!

For dear JC -i expect you to enjoy yourself to the fullest even though im not around k? Go and have fun and go fishing k? BUT HOR... remember to wipe your mouth when i come back har. haha. I can predict how fun you will be without me around hor? bleahx! evil baobei!!! *slaps!
- you better slp early and wake up on time YOURSELF for work.
- you better dun fall back to slp and STOP hugging your tutu.
- you better dun dose off at work without my email entertainment.
- you better dun be sian sian and wait for me to return.
- you better be good wor.
- YOU BETTER!

alright... i know you are expecting to hear something nice from me.. but see, im your meanie maine. Im supposed to be evil wor. wahaha.
- i will miss you.
- i will miss you till you sneeze and catch a flu.
- i will miss you deep deep k?
LOVE JC - Hugz. MUACKZ x 1ooooooooo (unlimited vitamins)

For darling XX, KOR and JASPER -please help me to LOOK after my chimp and make sure she behave herself. haha. and take good care. Have plenty of rest k? hUgz. mUackz! miss miss! |oves.

For all darlings -
wait for me to come back and resume all parties before school starts!!

alright.. OFF I GO.... HK!!!!!

=)

p.s i can predict my dad's pocket having a BIG BIG hole coz ah maine is BROKE!! I've to depend on my dad you know? ARGH!!

2008-06-08T16:03:00.003+08:00

the 2 songs below. one is for JC. one is for all i.d.i.ots.

for all i.d.i.ots.. just fcuk off. =)

scolded by friend... really badly... for being a primary school kid? coz she said that im wasting my time on unnecessary thing. and the unnecessary thing was due to ex-es issue. haha. alright. i really think there's a need to revamp my mind. haha.

see the true picture of human nature. got to agree with what xx said.. SCARY!

you thought you know that person well.. but when there's a problem, things changed. the person no longer the one you know... but a stranger. and yes.. i in relation with someone i know so well in the past and he/she is a stranger to me now. tragic~

i wonder why would human being be so dramatic? Maybe I shall repharse. Not all human being la. But some rotten human? or... maybe.. creatures to say? some ppl are really so meant to be actor/actress. SO DAMN WASTED that they didn't enroll. OH gosh. i know why. guess it's due to.... they aint good looking enough la.. too FAT/THIN. wah.. stop it... meanie maine. haha. =x

Anyway... the true colour of human being is scary and totally agree with what gal told me. the evil side of the human/creature. couple back stabbing each other. bad mouthing each other when they said.. they love each other a lot. friends acting so nice in front of you yet at the back talk crap about you. the mask of an evil self can be so annoying.

Well... if that's a case... Cheers to the 'MASK'.

xoxo

human nature.. dun bother.. there's back-stabber all around. cant prevent but only can constantly remind yourself not to be like them. by the way.. i shant name them human.. they're creatures!

dinner soon with nikki and the guys. =)

AND.
miss my dear baobei

2008-06-06T17:22:00.000+08:00

` For JC -

The thing about love
Is i never saw it coming
It kinda crept up and took me by surprise
And now there`s a voice inside my heart that`s got me wondering
Is this true, i want to hear it one more time

Move in a little closer
Take it to a whisper
Just a little louder

Say it again for me
Cuz i love the way it feels when you are telling me that i`m
The only one who blows your mind
Say it again for me
It`s like the whole world stops to listen
When you tell me you`re in love
Say it again

Thing about you is you know just how to get me
You talk about us like there`s no end in sight
The thing about me is that i really want to let you
Open that door and walk into my life

Move in a little closer
Take it to a whisper
Just a little louder

Say it again for me
Cuz i love the way it feels when you are telling me that i`m
The only one who blows your mind
Say it again for me
It`s like the whole world stops to listen
When you tell me you`re in love

And it feels like it`s the first time
That anybody's ever brought the sun without the rain
And never in my whole life
Have I heard words as beautiful as when you say my name

Say it again for me
Cuz i love the way it feels when you are telling me that i`m
The only one who blows your mind
Say it again for me
It`s like the whole world stops to listen
When you tell me you`re in love
Say it again

When you tell me you`re in love?
Say it again

2008-06-06T16:48:00.000+08:00

Better Off Alone

I was naive not to let you go
When the time was right
I was a fool living in a dream
That I thought could last
But I know that you
Will try to prove me wrong
But it's what I've got to do
I think you're mistaken
I'm sorry to say
I'm really just a loser
Who's getting in your way
I think you've forgotten
All of your plans
See you never meant to be here
And I think you should know
You're better off alone

And it's clear to me
That everything has changed
Cuz nothing that we do feels
The same any more
And I'll admit
I'll take the blame
Maybe we just moved too fast
And how could expect
Something like this to last
And I know that you will try
And prove me wrong
But it's what I gotta do
I think you're mistaken
I'm sorry to say
I'm really just a loser
Who's getting in your way

I think you've forgotten
All of your plans
See you never meant to be here
And I think you should know
You're better off alone

You and I, we were standing
Watching us fall apart
So let me go and move along
I think you're mistaken
I'm sorry to say
I'm really just a loser
Who's getting in your way
I think you've forgotten
All of your plans
See I never meant to be here
And I think you should know
You're better off alone

Alone, alone, alone, alone, alone
Alone, alone, alone, alone, alone
Alone, alone, alone, alone, alone
Oh, you're better off alone

I think you're mistaken
I'm sorry to say
I'm really just a loser
You're better off alone

Better off alone

越爱越难过

2008-06-03T01:26:00.001+08:00

越爱越难过

说说你为什麼
为什麼要走说你为何要分手
别拖求你别软弱
求你说出口分手的理由

但你却拖拖拖拖到什麼时候
如果要走却又为何停留
请你别拖拖拖大声的说出口
请你要痛就痛给我个快活

然后连话都不说继续沉默
连朋友都没的作为了什麼
然后跟别人说你其实还是爱我
就算了吧坏人我来作

如果说你要走我不会留
我不去管以后
然后我们说清楚一句话就够
如果说你要走我不会留
我不去管以后
多麼痛多麼的难过
别越爱越难过

PMS!

2008-06-01T18:35:00.003+08:00

serious PMS. dun ask me why.. just AP to the very extend.
and my tubby have to bear with it.
mood swing from high to low and low to high. i cant control.
REALLY!

2008-05-30T04:05:00.004+08:00

pissed by JC! liar liar!! hmpf.

*your tubby would like to tell you that she is angry with you.

ROARS!

but.. for the sake of the 12 stalks of purple roses. forgive you la. poots!

thanks for the roses. STUPID RETARD JC!

2008-05-29T04:14:00.001+08:00

enjoyable and fun day with nikki 'DARLING'!

LOVES LOT!

happy. =)

2008-05-27T17:46:00.002+08:00

hungry hungry!!

im so hungry!!

mrs lim is back... IM SO HAPPY!!

2008-05-27T03:15:00.000+08:00

when my heart was aching for my past and the hurt..

den.. i came across jc's blog for me. i smile.. with my tears rolling down non stop.

the songs from JC to CL. I listen to all 23 songs, crying.
the post from JC to CL. I read again and again, crying.

my tears.. roll for my tubby. =) thanks for the unconditional love.

i simply duno how to describe the feeling i had now.

other than appreciating.. JC, loves truly. =)

2008-05-27T02:54:00.000+08:00

i am tired.

tired of everything.

2008-05-26T03:28:00.003+08:00

my vitamin provider.. i think i need some happy pill.. pls prescribe to me... thanks.

i warned myself not to be affected... continue to be ABC. but the reasoning from her.. just stab right thru my heart again.

coz of tired.. to give up her love?
coz of her.. worked hard for the future?

am i an idiot? maybe i really am.

stop fcuking my mind. i dun wish to think that way.
*slap awake!

if money gonna be the issue... am i retard to only find out 5 yrs lateR? - haha -

2008-05-26T00:08:00.001+08:00

I watched the walls

around me crumble

But its not like

I won't build them up again

So here's your last

chance for redemption

So take it while it lasts

because it will end

And my tears are turning into time

I've wasted trying to find

a reason for goodbye

I cant live without you

Can't breathe without you

I dream about you honestly

Tell me that its over

Because the world is spinning and

I'm still living

It wont be right if were not in it together

Tell me that it's over

And I'll be the first to go

Don't want to be the last to know

I won't be the one to chase you

But at the same time you're the heart that

I call home

I'm always stuck with these emotions

And the more I try to feel the less I'm whole

My tears are turning into time

I've wasted trying to find a reason for goodbye

My tears are turning into time

I've wasted trying to find a reason for goodbye

Tell me that it's over

Over

Honestly tell me

Honestly tell me

Don't tell me that its over

Don't tell me that its over..

2008-05-25T19:50:00.002+08:00

tired. v. tired!

i slp and slp and slp alot sia... and also eat and eat and eat! know why? it's all that bloodly idiot chimps' fault. make me eat and make me too slack and fell aslp! argh!! SLAP HARD!

went over to visit baby's mum. brought her fav. sweet that was purchased since.. last yr and her bro's chocolate. (did i mention the chocolate is v. expensive? i only get to know it when im paying for it. diaoz) im treated like a pig with so much food. baby cooked my fav. vege and auntie cut duck meat for me. (knowing that i duno how to eat bone, all the meat are boneless! haha.) saw a lot of her relatives and they asked me to play MJ but im meetin gal and exam constraint so - NO MJ.

meet gal for shopping. our main objective to shop is wallet but after shopping and walking around, the objective to shop become more. gal bought the wallet for her kor and slippers for herself. ME? empty handed! im leaving all my shopping list for HK!! whahaha.. GSS sux. the 70% = nth. the price in polo is $477 less 70%, which is almost $200+ still. wtf. not even a.. 'proper' sales! argh!!

grandma place for dinner. everyone there waiting for me to eat. im so late sia. grandma's cooking is superb!!! im so full.

2008-05-23T23:29:00.002+08:00

that piggy jasper is driving everyone crazy!! wher the hell she is sia?? argh!! stupid jasper... everyone is worried abt you. PLEASE APPEAR!! currently waiting downstairs, waiting like some idiot lor. diaoz!

done with my finance, marketing and quantative method. finally... last paper to go for my freedom!! phew...... im tired. really tired. sick thou. feeling super sick!! argh!!

baobei just generated some random thoughts. i was thinking about it too den to realise.. it's normal and common.. so, not reading too much into it. was it me that's very wrong or just... im different from other girls? things that girls normally will mind... i seldom mind. i believe in the trust that i gave... and if any to betray the trust.. i shall only fault on myself for trusting them.

the end. - i'll be back!

2008-05-22T06:18:00.003+08:00

fever fever!
sux to have fever!

- isolation with my books now. it's driving me crazy! especially when you are sick, it make it worse. =(

things not said.. not done.. just realise.. doesnt matter anymore. things not said.. coz I thought you will know and understand. things not done.. what else can be not done? just realise.. maybe you might think it's crap but if you understand me well.. that's the thing i will do and i did.

you once told me... not to assume that I know you well.. maybe i really din know anything about you. the one I love yet the one I dun understand. the devil side of you are hide by maine for not showing out and be mean when you're with me. i allowed the devil to release and trust to let her has her freedom. not to realise too... the freedom is too much. when you wish to control back.. it's suffocating her. misery isnt it?

enlighten by Kellyn and SL. guess.. the hurt content supercede the love content. the scar(s) remain and time will never be able to cure it. whenever I thought of it, it's a pain that will triggle my heart. painful. - and yes, it really hurts.

Alright. back to my studies ba. exam later. seems scary yet a little too sick to get bothered. Im tired thou. tml still got marketing and i have touch on revision a single bit. haha. BEST~

darling.. sorry.. im sick so had a hard time waking me up just now. =( im studying now le.. though not much time left. *yawnz. thanks for your sleepless night accompanying with my revision on tue. *heart. I know you are very tired already and that's why I make you go home and slp. muackz. slp tight till I wake you up later. =)

2008-05-20T18:30:00.001+08:00

thanks SL for everything.

i know you're trying to cheer me up by making a fun out of it.. but than.. i wasn't affected though. So sorry for letting your effort down to the drain. Never mind, rest assured, I would not wash it away. haha. Stop bring that evilness out from the libra. gosh.. i dun wana be evil evil evil. =x haha.

Scolded by Amy for something I forgot to change. Wasn't I silly enough to buy an insurance and place it under her name in the past? Shall i change it to 'gaigais' name instead? and yes.. i just realised.. i haven change. haha. If I die now.. baby gonna be damn rich la. so... curse me to die before i change la. haha. joking la.

Had a long long chat with Amy kor on sunday. I declare myself having PMS and AP, therefore before i flare up, I left JC and be alone. Dun wish to throw tantrum on my precious tubby. =x Kor was saying me, scolding me bla bla.. alright. knowing your mei so 'ben', you better protect her from harm and pamper her with all your love ya!

Talking about the past without crying, first time sia. Jul gonna be an interesting month?

6 - ying jie's bday
my beloved cousin. well.. i duno will she be back in spore to celebrate!!

12 - laogong's bday
silly laogong in ns. duno can come out anot? sob sob.

12 - baby's bday
hmm.. her gf will celebrate for her. dun need me to celebrate. haha.

19 - kor's bday
dinner with the close ones and loves one. followed by club or pub. sound interesting too.

base on SL's word, CL gonna be aloud. Why shld I hide things that I know? Why shld I act as if I duno? Why shld I do things without letting the other party awareness? And why shld I keep everything to myself?

things that you duno... for you to find out if you wan.
things that you shld know.. time to let you know.
coz be it... you know it now, before or after...
it's the past that you dun cherish the girl who loves you so much.

im giving up for the love I uphold.
giving up the promise I wish to make it true.
giving up in the one I used to love.
and
giving up in the belief that you created - even when you love each other, you dun have to be together.

if really it's meant to be... fate will decide. =)

2008-05-20T17:23:00.000+08:00

for the following. no pin-pointing on anyone. just random thoughts kapo from SL's blog. haha.

SL's lesson learnt.
lesson learnt - find a rich another half
know y? coz dunch need to bother about money. dunch need to worry about bills. dunch need to worry this and that.

lesson learnt - dunch tell ur another half that ure rich
know y? he/she will take advantage of ur weath. Irregardless, intentionally or unintentionally.

lesson learnt - dunch carry other's bill under ur name
know y? the responsibility is on ur shoulder instead of the one using.

lesson learnt - never sacrifice so much for someone
know y? the more u give in and bear with all the down point, the harder for u to forget and move on.

lesson learnt - never act as if u duno
know y? sometimes, when u tried to act stupid for things that u saw and heard, it makes ur heart suffocate and hurt.

lesson learnt - dunch ever pick up watever ppl dunch wan
know y? u would not know what he/she did before with the other one. u will feel dirty and u will have phorbia to be with that person again.

maine's lesson learnt.
yes. agree with finding a rich partner. haha. SL wana be my partner ma? =x let's be PL la. for the others... agree agree agree la... haha.

2008-05-17T18:03:00.001+08:00

im pissed by JC!

- stupid idiot! pull your ear!! arGH!!!

2008-05-17T15:17:00.002+08:00

i cooked again. for baobei - jc, for dear kor - amy, for kor's family and for beloved gal - xx.

opps. not very nice. but hope you all like it. =D

it's been quite some time ever since i last cooked for my loves one. last one.. most prob.. for meiyun gal. haha. need to brush up my cooking a bit sia.. hmMmmm... after dinner i fell aslp while watching horror movie. haha. so.. amy and xx watched me and jc slp la. diaoz. until 1am ++, jasper and kat join us and we went downstairs and chat till morning. a simple gathering but it's so fun. love the bonding. love the group.

JASPER! you better remember my bday else.. watch out for my flying slipper!

JC! AMY! XX! KAT! JASPER! you all better remember our party wor! must organise and make it come true k? hUgz.

LOVE ALL!!

15 May 08

Im home early wor coz it's sis bday. had dinner at jack's place and baby came along too. but SHE IS LATE! food not very nice and i dun like it. so walked ard after dinner and sent baby home. simple dinner but enjoyed. brought small gaigai out to meet his daddy. but it seems like.. she also got new gaigai le.. so.. i think our gaigais dun mean anything to her anymore ya. =)

anyway.. if things remain like that.. den be like tat ba. dun wish to talk abt the past anymore. explain also explain enough le.. so.. be it ba.

=)

2008-05-16T14:05:00.000+08:00

So Cruel
by U2

We crossed the line
Who pushed who over?
It doesn’t matter to you, it matters to me

We’re cut adrift
We’re still floating
I’m only hanging on to watch you go down,
My love

I disappeared in you
You disappeared from me
I gave you everything you ever wanted
It wasn’t what you wanted

The men who love you, you hate the most
They pass right through you like a ghost
They look for you, but your spirit is in the air
Baby, you’re nowhere

Oh… love…
You say in love there are no rules
Oh… love…
Sweetheart,
You’re so cruel

Desparation is a tender trap
It gets you every time
You put your lips to her lips
To stop the lie

Her skin is pale like God’s only dove
Screams like an angel for your love
Then she makes you watch her from above
And you need her like a drug

Oh… love…
You say in love there are no rules
Oh… love…
Sweetheart,
You’re so cruel

She wears my love like a see-through dress
Her lips say one thing
Her movements something else
Oh love, like a screaming flower
Love…dying every hour…love

You don’t know if it’s fear or desire
Danger the drug that takes you higher
Head in heaven, fingers in the mire

Her heart is racing, you can’t keep up
The night is bleeding like a cut
Between the horses of love and lust
We are trampled underfoot

Oh… love…
To stay with you I’d be a fool
Sweetheart,
You’re so cruel.

the rediscovery of old song. the loving of their nuances, their lilts, their lyrical lyrics, the emotions evoked. perhaps it is a bit like making love for the first time, perhaps, for it is amazing how natural making love seems the first time round; the actions, the movements, the caresses, the touches. and how everyone always inevitably feels like they are the first ones to have discovered something so beautiful, so poetic; poetry in motion.

but truth be told, there were others who made love way before we ever did; others who carried out the same actions, made the same movements, hazarded the same caresses and tingled with the same touches. so this musical rediscovery, is perhaps, not so different after all, for there were definitely fans who lingered on the same lyric, for the same length of time, and had the song on repeat ad infinitum, ad nauseaum.

so like making love and rediscovering old songs, discovering how cruel love can be is an experience in itself, and that must be experienced for itself. everyone goes through it throughout history, so you are not the only one; there is no proxy for it, and neither are there substitutes - you have to go through the motions of love and loving to know the biting mercilessness that love sometimes accords to the lover.

2008-05-14T17:55:00.000+08:00

Not knowing too much might be a blessing also? At least Im still under the impression that I am once deeply loved? But after knowing the truth... to trust or believe... does it matter anymore? To think that I am a uni grad? But i stupidly believe the one that I love deeply, giving all the trust but in the end.... hurt and disappointment is what I got?

enough enough enough. my mind wana know so much but i heart dun wish to know. It contradict the point. okie.. i guess, im dishearten enough and yes... it's enough for me not to hold on.. not to love.. and move on.

i thought everything can be fine.. will be fine and shld be fine... but you will never ever gonna imagine.. how how how hurtful it is.. I am transparent to you. at least.. i didnt lie about how my heart feel. Be it there's a lot of passer-by in my life, my only choice is still you in the end. Thou I know we would be together forever, I would still wana be with you as long as I can. Never to think, that's only my own thinking... So define.. who is the playful one den? Me or you?

I always blame myself for being playful, being stubborn, being unreasonable bla bla bla.. but.. now... I understand.. actually the problem dun lie on me.. I always wana be your perfect one. doing the best of the best for you. giving you every single thing you wan and hope to have. the problem is the one.. might not be loving enough. im not a perfect girl all along.. neither am I the perfect one for you.

I wasnt pleased with what you had blog but I kept quiet again. I know I can say back, but I hold back. Now... I think I shld SHOUT OUT LOUD.

Recall whatever you said and told me. don't give up on you and wait for the day i forgo everything and be together again. so i forgo and rejected everyone in line, waiting for the day you dun feel useless anymore. waiting for the day to take my hand again and walk it thru.

Why would all sweetness remain when you said you're pushing yourself to let go? why would all the kisses exchange when you said you are giving up on the relationship? and why would all the promises still committing when you are determine to go your own way without me?

YOU ASKED ME TO STAY ON. YOU ASKED ME NOT TO LET GO OF YOU. and now.. you simply tell me.. you pushed yourself to let go and move on? dun contridict yourself anymore. base on your "so called" determination... you selfishly move on yourself yet asking the girl you still love to hold on. Till you found someone else that can replace her... you tell her.. that's it.. you go your way.. she go her way...

enough said. i also dun wish to explain.

LOVE DEEPLY YET HURT DEEPLY.

thanks for everything too.

MY EVERYTHING not worth for you to accept. MY GOOD not worth for you to love. MY BAD not worth for you to take it. For am I a girl worth loving and giving in so much it doesnt matter anymore. For you go ahead and be with the "so called" worthwhile person now. I wouldn't fault and will never blame the one I love and once claimed loving me deeply for hurting me deeply!

im losing myself. the past me. the AP me. Where's my attitude and where's my temper? find it back.. maybe it wun hurt that much..

blessed with love

2008-05-14T03:20:00.002+08:00

I thanks ALL for loving me.

be it im not a perfect gal, but i blessed with love, highly maintained and protected well.

I am my dad's expensive little gal. HAHA.

studied at AMK on monday with JC companion all the way. my beloved gal, xx "so called" surprise me by popping up to accomapny me too. slack and slack and I din realise it's 4am. none of them complained for being tired and yet continue to accompany me when im studying. Felt bad for causing them to be so tired and do not have much rest when they have work the next day. appreciated. LOVES.

every single act touches my heart. it warm my "numb" heart, telling me im deeply loved still. the list of ppl loving and caring for me is so MANY and yet im crying for the ONE that dun appreciate and love me? sound retarded. Set myself free and also set the one in my heart free. I continue to uphold my promise even though you told me promises are meant to be broken. I remain the status unchange, and you will be my baby and forever devil. I remain silent again and be the friend you wana be. To me, for you, my last effort to make - not to piss you off.

My love ones, I dun wish anyone to be trapped in between. So, for the sake of me, dun hold grudges on anyone. dun blame anyone for hurting me or made me cry.

Hence, for the sake of myself and those who love me. i remain my smile.
For the sake of JC, I unlock my heart. =)

2008-05-13T11:42:00.000+08:00

in pain.
be in mentally or physically.

sux to my gastric. remove it and throw it away.
stop that medication. hate it hate it hate it.

sux to finance management.
it's always this paper you caused me to fail!

Trust? Am i still expected to trust you when you told me.. promises are meant to be broken? I trusted you so much in everything you said and done. Even when things are pretty obvious that you lied, I still trust you. Maybe a way, im lying to myself.

you hate it the way I dun trust you. When i gave you all the trust, what happened? you left me. Look here! you wanted me to trust you for everything you said. you wanted me to trust you this love you're talking about will last. you wanted me to trust you im your only love. you wanted me to trust you im the only angel baby of yours'. For all the trusting you wanted me to believe, you return me a sentense, promises are meant to be broken.

I wouldnt complain like a small kid. I had been keeping silent all the while. I never meant to piss you off neither do I want to make you difficult. You felt pissed is coz im not the one you love anymore? whatever i said to you, is just being unreasonable and having serious attitude problem. im no longer the one you know in the past. Don't relate me to that anymore.

yeapz. it's the past you don't wish to remember and I didn't even realised till now.. it's the past of us, you don't wish to recall.

i wouldnt fault on you if you told me you aint coming in the first place. i din suspect that intention of coming or not. But i just felt that if you have the intention to come, you will make your effort down. be it how late it can be. you know we wun end early and it's not the first time we waited for you.

im pissed for my parents' effort going to drain. Instead of feeling angry, attituding, reprimanding... i felt extremely sad. For dad and mum making hot the food expecting you to come. For dad and mum allowing you to stay with me when you're at your down point. For dad and mum bringing you to their workplace to work knowing you have no job. For dad and mum letting you be one part of the family. it's the thoughts that count but you insisted you aint at fault. Alright. enough said. you aint at fault den. Please don't ever recall the days you stayed here. For all the hard time we went thru, please don't ever recall. For every single things we did for each other, pleae don't ever recall. For the 5 YEARS, don't recall a single bit.

Start what you wana start, afresh.
Charmaine Lim Shi Wei, disappear from your heart and mind.
don't ever look back.
you wun feel a single bit for hurting the one who suffered so much coz of you.
and you wun feel anything at all for her tears and broken heart.
Your angel, your baby.. she's officially dead in your heart.

Once again, dishearted.

Love sets me free.

2008-05-12T01:36:00.002+08:00

The most spectacular,indescribable , deep euphoric feeling for someone.

Love is an incredibly powerful word. When you're in love, you always want to be together, and when you're not, you're thinking about being together because you need that person and without them your life is incomplete.

This love is unconditional affection with no limits or conditions: completely loving someone. When you love someone you want nothing more than for them to be truly happy no matter what it takes because that's how much you care about them and because their needs come before your own. You hide nothing of yourself and can tell the other anything because you know they accept you just the way you are and vice versa.

It's when they're the last thing you think about before you go to sleep and when they're the first thing you think of when you wake up, the feeling that warms your heart and leaves you overcome by a feeling of serenity. Love involves wanting to show your affection and/or devotion to each other. It's the smile on your face you get when you're thinking about them and miss them.

Love can make you do anything and sacrifice for what will be better in the end. Love is intense,and passionate. Everything seems brighter, happier and more wonderful when you're in love. If you find it, don't let it go.

One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life:

That word is love.

Could you make this pain go away?
Could you fill my empty heart?
Could you heal all my wounds,
and promise you will never hurt me?
Promise me you'll never leave,
and make everything all right.
Promise me when I start to fall,
you'll hold on to me tight.
Promise me you'll protect me and help to wipe my tears away.
Promise me you'll love me no matter what I do,
and I will promise to make wish come true.

From SL to CL with love =)

2008-05-10T19:41:00.000+08:00

一张张我和你泛黄的照片被遗忘在角落.
是你说要我和你天长地久.
在你身旁守护着你的女人却已经不是我.

我愿意让你的回忆折磨我一辈子。

我不想解脱,我只怕错过
我就是要等你回来爱我
---
这感觉已经不对,我努力在挽回.
一些些应该体贴的感觉,你没给.
我嘟嘴许的愿望很卑微,在妥协.
是你忽略,我不过要人陪.

这感觉已经不对,你最后才了解.
一页页不忍翻阅的情节,我好累.
我默背为你掉过几次泪,多憔悴.
而我心碎,我受罪,
我的美,你不配.

[你知道我会爱你爱很久]

盼你更坏，赐给我决心忘记你.
会忘记的!

From JC to CL with love.

2008-05-09T16:22:00.002+08:00

For The Eyes Of My JC - CL Baobei

You know I won't forget the times we shared together holding hands
and walking in the park
Sometimes we'll have to do it all again
We were so happy then
I've no regrets
Can't you tell from the look on my face that I love you more today

The first time I looked into your eyes I cried
Do you remember the first time we fell in love
You looked into my eyes
Wiped the tears away
The first time when we fell in love

Although some time has passed
I still remember just like it was yesterday
The time is moving fast
The love I have for you
Time won't ever change
I always feel the same
Now until the end
Memories we share will live forever
Deep inside my heart I know I'll never forget.

The first time I looked into your eyes I cried
Do you remember the first time we fell in love
You looked into my eyes
Wiped the tears away
The first time when we fell in love

Music Bridge

The first time I looked into your eyes I cried
Do you remember the first time we fell in love
You looked into my eyes
Wiped the tears away
The first time when we fell in love
Oh when we fell in love

thanks for loving me. =)

2008-05-09T03:41:00.001+08:00

People need their reasons, reasons to live and reasons to die
Just something to believe in, whatever it takes to get through the night
When the road just leads to nowhere, and your faith can't follow through
I'll be there for you

Black is black and white is white, and the blues are sometimes gray
When you hurt and you don't know why, and your tears won't go away
There's a rainbow out there somewhere, and one thing is always true
I'll be there for you

when hope seems thin and your chances are few
I'll share the pain and be someone to hold
And there's so much more I can do
I'll be there for you

We could talk forever, there's reasons to stay and reasons to go
But while we're here together, I might as well make my intentions known
There's a light that shines in my window, it's a place you can run back to
And I'll be there for you

when hope seems thin and your chances are few
when the outside world turns your inside cold
And no one will tell you the truth
I'll be there for you

And if the day should come in this lifetime
I hope one morning you'll wake up to find
Anyone with half a heart could see, we might cross this great divide

When the road just leads to nowhere, and faith can't follow through
I'll be there for you
And baby I'll be there for you, yes I will,
you know that I will be there for you.

2008-05-09T02:55:00.002+08:00

brighten up my lives
i longed for the promises to hold.
hold my hand and never let go.
the empty shell requires the sun to warm the inner heart.

for the one who once promised,
taking promises for granted.
for the one who promising,
taking courage to live up the words.

i prayed hard for my love to stay happy.
i prayed hard for my smile to remain.
indeed, happiness stay, smile remain.

2008-05-07T17:41:00.002+08:00

home early. exam month. unwell. =(
tired. body aching and it hurts.

totally wear out.

i wana have fun.
endure. 3 more weeks to go!

HK, here i come! =)

2008-05-05T00:50:00.000+08:00

Memorable birthday surprise for Maryl. firstly, shall wish her HAPPY BIRTHDAY first. thou i know she wouldn't get to see my post la. haha. this gal is in her big 3 already. gosh. *evil* i cant imagine myself in that '3' ya. haha. =x

the presents presented to her... WAH. im amazed!
1st: belt from G2000
2nd: SK Diamond Earring
3rd: Agnes B bag
4th: LV handbag
5th: 1 night at Novotel
6th: 1 night at Pan Pac.

I can totally imagine how dry Shikin can be. duh~ of coz..
- I also wan I also wan. * HINT! *

normally i dun really bother a lot with money issue but seems like I had been taken granted. Well, it's always the case. So pathetic!

Typical ladies we become. From kids to girls to teenagers to ladies to women. It seems like every year, there ought to be changes everywhere. It also depends on the people beside willingly to take the changes and understand each individual or not. Remaining the same is because fear of changes. Overcoming the fear is because facing the changes.

We all change and we'd live our lives together and not estranged. I didn't lose my mind, it was mine to give away. Couldn't stay to watch me cry because you simply didn't have the time, so I softly slip away. No regrets, they don't work and they only hurt. Suppose it's just a point of view, but they tell me I'm doing fine. I know from the outside, we looked good for each other.

Everything I wanted to be, I'll choose to walked away. Every time you told me to leave, I just wanted to stay. Every time you looked at me and every time you smiled, I felt so vacant you treat me like a baby. I loved the way we used to laugh. I loved the way we used to smile. Often I sit down and think of you, for a while, then it passes by me and I think of someone else you're holding now instead. I guess the love we once had is officially dead. Proven by you. You had let it die. =)

2008-04-30T04:25:00.002+08:00

hypertatic maine... CANT SLP AGAIN!
wondering how my eye bag gonna be again. *YAWN

not gonna writing anything profound today.

SIMPLY,
Im tired le.

2008-04-29T03:17:00.002+08:00

It's always not very nice to hear from others instead of your partner.
Well..
It's doesn't feel good either to know it and realise how silly love can be.

Disappointment once filled me.
I know it's the past and shld not be bothered.
It's just... dun feel good thou.

Whether or not it's a simple lie to a serious lie, it's still lie.
Im guilty of my lies.
Wondering my lies need how many excuses to cover?
And wondering did i ever reason out to demand for an answer from you?

Trust is important, but once trust is lost, it require a long time to build up again.
Reflect life as a mirror. Look at yourself first before looking upon others.
Im looking upon myself now.

I may not be a perfect gal for you.
I may not be a wonderful gal for you.
I may be demanding.
I may have attitude problem.

Apologise due to my stubborness that lead everything to turn out this way.
Maybe I never once truly loved before.

I always choose to remain silent but yet this silent slaps me hard.
I always choose to believe still coz the belief of love ones will nv bring hurt to me.
Yet due to this belief.. it slap me hard and it hurts once again.

Again, be it den. Im a 'cannot be bothered' person to anyone.
Mind me for my attitude.
Im slapping myself awake.
I am the cause for the misery and I shall be the one that end this misery.
Dishearted is the word to use.

2008-04-26T01:52:00.000+08:00

You told me on the day that you left me
To take real good care of myself
But it's so hard to do
If I can't have you here to hold me
When I want nobody else

When am I going to get over you
And stop living in the past
When am I going to get over you
When my pour heart beats it's last
Soon you'll wake me and you'll say I've been dreaming
I'll just have to wait 'til then
Till my time here is done
And the Angels come to take me
Then I'll be with you again

Someday I may love again
But you'll be with me here and there
When my pour heart beats it's last
You told me on the day that you left me

2008-04-25T17:39:00.000+08:00

anyone bothered when she's left crying alone?
or perharps..
anyone noticed when she's tearing?

the artificial smile hides the inner part of her.
typical girl wasn't she?

holding on to the promises aint hard
yet, people still loves breaking promises.
in the beginning, why promises were made when it's meant to be empty promises?

promises are meant to be kept when two become one,
but when two become two,
promises turned out to be meaningless?

promises are made for a meaning?
meaning to 'expect'?
or to else other...
it's just unconditional promises?

contridicting human thinking.
never ever she will get it right.

2008-04-25T02:20:00.000+08:00

unwell.

in pain. feeling terrible.

argh. =(

Lost in love

2008-04-23T01:59:00.002+08:00

Never look back and say I wish I had.

A offer B yet B reject. Therefore, the offer goes back to A.

Endless blaming, pin pointing, assuming and lies, I'll reject the comment and reject the feeling for not getting affected. Learning to be ABC too. =)

Willpower is the word.

Belief in love is lost.
I wish I can start to believe again.

Yesterday - The Past Tense

2008-04-22T03:01:00.000+08:00

I just cant believe your gone
Still waiting for morning to come
When I see if the sun will rise, in the way that your by my side
Well we got so much in store
Tell me what is it im reaching for
When were through building memories ill hold yesterday in my heart
In my heart

They can take tomorrow and the plans we made
They can take the music that we never play
All the broken dreams take everything
Just take it away, but they can never have yesterday
They can take the future that we'll never know
They can take the places that we said we will go
All the broken dreams take everything
Just take it away, but they can never have yesterday

You always choose to stay
I should be thankful for everyday
Heaven knows what the future holds, or least where the story goes
I never believed until now
I know il see you again im sure
No its not selfish to ask for more
One more night one more day one more smile on your face
But they cant take yesterday

I thought our days would last forever
But it wasnt our destiny
Cause in my mind we had so much time, but I was so wrong
No I can believe that
I can still find the strength in the moments we made
Im looking back on yesterday

2008-04-21T17:24:00.000+08:00

CLSW cursed JC badly.

i slap you for pissing off at me.
i slap you for accusing me for something i din even bother to think.
i slap you for saying me.
i slap slap slap you!

say sorry quick!

JC, loves!

2008-04-18T03:41:00.002+08:00

i think im being cursed by you.

why?
im cursed by your unconditional love.
appreciating in everything you did for me.
thankful for standing by my side to console me.
content for your pampering and love.

thanks for not expecting anything from me.
thanks for not leaving me alone.

it's hard to accept a gal you love still loving another person. it's even harder to stay by her side though her heart doesnt belongs to you alone.

still... you're there to wipe the tears away.
still... you're there to love her.
still... you're there to pamper her.

i state it in the beginning that i would need a very long time to recover. it will be a long period of time. i wouldnt wana lead you on neither will i ask anyone to wait for me. coz... i dun even know how long will i take to recover. i apologize for unable to commit anything to you. im sorry to cry in front of you though i know you wun feel good. im sorry to disappoint you all the time by telling you i still love her.

i know it hurt you a lot of time when i cried for her.
i know how hard it is to stay strong for me to lean on.
i admire your determination for staying strong.

i wun ask worth it anot. i wun ask you to stay or leave.
in love, decision is on your own hand. it's only for yourself to define. =)

nevertheless... i really really... appreciate every single thing you did.
LOVES!

2008-04-18T03:05:00.003+08:00

yes. i used to cover my mistake with excuses.
yes. i used to define myself to be the only person that's right.

know me now. understand me now. dun stay put at the impression of the past me.

choosing not to clarify doesnt mean i accepted whatever said.
choosing to continue this silent doesnt mean im at fault.

am i worth holding on or am i worth being with is for you to define. you cant deny the fact that we went thru so much. you cant deny the fact that we suffered a lot. i made my stand clear, be it down point, im still there for you. i din ever leave you nor dump you aside coz of materials. i din even have the thought before for leaving you coz you cant provide me with whatever i want.

you can fault me for everything. you can take away everyone beside me. i said i'll take it.

dun fault me for texting you previously. im just being truthful to my heart. i make it a point to indicate that i still love you. i dun regret and everyone knows. i din hide and find excuses to cover. from everything i did, i said, i text, i just phrase it to tell you, i still love you.

you told me,
the day im attached, is the day you let go.
the day i love someone else, is the day everything ended.

i seek the assurance you 'wanted' to give for loving me still. you told me coz got gf le so cant do anything for me. i duno what you're thinking. duno how you're feeling. duno what you want from me, so i keep questioning. you cant ans me, cant conclude to me. i always choose to believe you wanted to tell me, you still love me but yet you cant be with me. you couldnt give me any assurance. so.. i had my last stand on the deadline i set.

if it's easy to let go, there will not be holding on.
if i choose to leave, i would've left long ago.
coz of loving you, i'll be alone still.
coz of loving you, i'll choose to bear this silently.
this love ends for you, not yet for me.
till the day.. i find myself loving you no more, i'll den be ready for another relationship.

for the time being.. allow me to recover. let the love fade.
require a long long time.
- hibernating.

2008-04-12T19:10:00.000+08:00

i remain as who i am.
yet..
she left.
leaving only the memories.

stay strong.
will move on.

enough of crying.
enough of bitching.

never be stubborn in love,
coz you will lose the one you love.

never step into a relationship
when the one in your heart
has not left you.

never bring misery to your only love,
coz she's feeling very painful now.

if she only knew...
listen and look thru the heart of her only love.

she's still the same,
the only angel you ever knew.

2008-04-10T00:35:00.002+08:00

if this is the day...

i would tell you how much i love you.
i would tell you how much i need you.
i would tell you how much i miss you.
i would tell you how much everyone envy you.
i would tell you how much you mean to me.

if only this is the day...

the surprise plan will go on.
we will be the most xingfu couple.

you cant give me any assurance.
but i give you my assurance. =)

i made myself clear where my heart belong.
you can push me to anyone and assume im doing well.

BUT STILL HAVE TO SAY:
charmaine lim sw loves kriz huang xz.
charmaine lim sw miss kriz huang xz.

mean it. i said it.
whatever happens in future... i shant have anymore regrets.

stay strong maine. =)

2008-04-08T02:04:00.002+08:00

just parted.. but starting to miss.
missing my vitamins provider.

=)

loves.

it's hard to tolerate my rubbish, but you did. thanks baobei for treating me well.
muaCkz...

i din emo today just felt content.

content tat we can talk as per normal. content tat we wished each other to be happy. i know to be 'really' happy, might be impossible now. but i believe your gf is doing a good job to make you smile and happy.

content too.

learning to cherish the one before your eyes. learning to cherish the one who pamper me. learning to cherish the one who love me for who i am. learning to cherish the one who cherish me. learning to cherish the one doing a good job now to make me smile and happy.

learning to keep everything deep down.
learning to grow up without you beside me.
learning not to cry anymore.
every time i cry.. i wipe my tears and tell myself to be strong.
till the day... i stop crying.. i will remain strong.
remain my smile. and remain the 'baby' you always want me to be.
smile with my sweetest smile.
=)

in need of vitamins.

2008-04-06T14:27:00.000+08:00

sorry.. im mad again? emo queen har?

need some medication i think. vitamins pls... ahem! =P

i guess i gonna make someone emo again bcoz of me this emo queen. i said before.. i blog whatever i feel like blogging at the very point of time, so dun fault me. =)

supposed to celebrate jasper's bday yest but somethings crop up and the celebration was called off. while.. she wasnt feeling good i believe..

so baobei and i decided to go over to look for her. slack around and at least someone to accompany her. met and pool at jurong east. slacker day. all of us wear until super lok kok. haha.

im the curse to them as usual. curse them to lost lost lost. =P

learnt a lot of things while chatting.. diaoz.. okie.. i admit myself being the silly one la. HAHA! being scolded and scolded and scolded by so many close one.. yet.. i still choose to just SHUT UP.

feasting is wondering. LOVE feasting with amy, xx, baobei and yun. haha. yun damn funny la.. alright.. i duno how to describe!! just... LOL.

thanks baobei for accompanying me. thanks for not allowing me to emo myself. thanks for the shoulder to cry on. thanks for allowing me to cry. thanks for making me laugh. thanks for everything you did. i cant commit and wun commit now. so im sorry that i might disappoint you or hurt you in one way or another.... =)

by the way.. you owe me 16 anythings!!!

haven slp from yest till now due to emo-ing. tired but cant slp. my eyes are swollen. shall rest my eyes a little ba. zzZzzz. hibernation.

stress.

2008-04-06T12:07:00.000+08:00

im stress.

stress with work.
stress with sch.
stress with family.
stress with time.
stress with money.

alright. i felt BROKE out of the sudden. the numbers of bills that i need to pay. the amt of money contribute to family. the needs of paying my sch fees. the expenses needed for daily life.

funny isnt it? charmaine.. the very first time.. i tell myself im broke and i need to cut down on entertainment.

i recall.. you telling me.. when you start earning, you will give me allowance. where got?

where are you when i needed help? you aint around.
where are you when im down? you aint around.
where are you when i needed support? you aint around again.

why aint around when i needed you so much?
and
why did i go thru so much when you needed me so much?

ARGH!!!
im really tired and feeling stress!!

2008-04-03T00:20:00.002+08:00

follow the heart. not what I see. i believe in the promises made and hold tight to whatever you once commit.

choosing to believe in what you see, it's your choice. but you ain't the only one suffering by wearing a mask in front of everyone.

you changed everything. you changed the person beside you. you told her harshly that you no longer love her. you told her to move on. you told her to let go. she listen. you are unaware how hurtful she is, you are unaware how painful she is. you left her all alone without anyone adoring her. you left her all by herself crying. you told her you cant do anything for her. she accepted and bear everything quietly.

no longer complaining nor pestering you coz you told her you are xingfu and happy now. what do you want her to do den?

shld she shut herself up again like how she did before? shld she just leave everyones care aside and cling on to the pain and die herself?

isnt it the right way to say so... for the feelings to be kept inside? or shld she express herself again and be harshly say by you again? somethings are not meant to be said. somethings are just meant to be kept. she chose not to say anything coz you told her it's pointless. she chose to show you her smile coz you want her to be happy.

though she hope you say and explain how you truly feel about her, but she understand you too well that you wun say. yes. too tired to say and that's why both chose to let it go, remain slient and run away.

if running away will dissolve the love, than it's not true love. her love remains and she believes yours' too. could you ensure her belief?

she felt so much that you are missing her lots and is deeply in love with her.. but she cant ensure that the msg is for her. do you wana be truthful to her it's up to your choice. she's no longer hiding anything at all to anyone... coz everyone knows how she feels..

missing you lots and loving you deeply still. `babyAngel-

2008-03-27T00:37:00.002+08:00

im really letting it go. really.
i really wana recover.
it's painful and too numb tat i could no longer cry.
i slap myself for asking too much.

accepting everything you told me to do. accepting this outcome you want us to become. im accepting it already. if im the source for stopping you to have your happiness, then forgo me too. im already staying strong. im already bearing the pain myself. WHY~ wana say those things to add on the pain? seeing me in pain.. you are very happy? seeing me being miserable.. you are content?

i duno if it's my one sided thinking. i jolly well know we are the most silly and most stupid people out there. i know you felt miserable too. i know you dun feel good too. i know.. and i can feel it. i know i aint the only one who feel hurt and pain. but wat else i can do for you? and wat else you can do for me? nth right? coz... you once said.. you are attached and there's nth else more you can do for me. coz of your decision. we need to keep this love inside, deep inside our heart.

i'll be happy for you to have found someone you love and love you.
since im the source of your not peaceful life, i will not reply you anymore. i will not sms. will not call.

im no longer the same.
I NEED TO RECOVER.

recovering in process.............................................

2008-03-26T04:23:00.000+08:00

remember the love. not the hurt.
remember the smile. not the pain.
remember the laugher. not the tears.
remember my good. not the bad.
remember you'll nv alone. coz im here.
remember to keep this love deep in our heart.
remember not to let anyone know.
remember im your baby forever.
remember im still your unreasonable princess.
remember im still the same me.
remember when you need me, you will know where to find me.
remember remember.

thankful for the endless pampering.
thankful for the tolerance.
thankful for giving in.
thankful for being there.
thankful for being the shoulder to cry on.
thankful for warming my heart.
lastly,
thankful for loving me.

contented. for once. coz of your love for the angel. =)

to heavenlove

2008-03-13T02:04:00.003+08:00

looked thru our past, been thru too much with tears.

im glad you carried on happily without me. i'll also carry on well as you want me to.

you promised. im the last and only gal who you will love wholeheartedly. i believe in you that this will stay true. coz of this belief, i trust our bondage. i believe in our love. i believe in what i've been thru with you.

for all the hurts i brought to you, im sorry.
for all the hurts you brought to me, be sorry too.

just wana let you know. there's a lot of things i do.. is for you. but things din turn out well to be what it meant to be. it turn out sour instead. coz i din explain, you nv know. coz i din say, you din realise. i always thought there isnt a need to explain coz you will understand me. but seems that it's wrong. Due to not saying, misunderstanding piled up even more. we loved each other so much but due to love, there's more jealousy, uncertain, doubts and explaination. i cherish our heaven like you did before. and i really cherish the love you had for me.

it really hurt so much that day. from you, i never expect to hear.. 'i dun love you anymore.' really very painful. it's just like you're using a knife stab straight across my heart. i cried. im numb. im speechless. maybe it's true. maybe you just wished to push me away.

to you, maybe you felt that i din love you more than fox or soo guan. please understand. we been thru all ups and downs. at your lowest point, im there. at my higher point, you're there. we laughed together. cry together. stress together. tired together. worked hard together. survive for each other. i gave in a lot just like you gave in a lot to me too. i also gave up a lot for you. my tears for you can become ocean. my smile for you can become the reason of carrying on. nevertheless, you really affected me a lot. i never once thought that the love can be so strong to supercede my ex. i never once thought that the love can make me give up a very nice guy. coz of this heavenlove, we suffered so much but yet... it bring us happiness too. just to let you know, i love you more than the else two. believe it or not. bcoz of you, i trusted love again. bcoz of you, i grow up. bcoz of you, i attempt to change. bcoz of you, im alive again. bcoz of you, i felt pampered. bcoz of you, i felt xing fu.

this time... bcoz of you, bcoz of love, im not going to hurt us anymore. i wun say hurtful things. i wun pester you. i wun cry. i wun bother you. im leaving this love behind. deep in my heart.

choose to move on, need a lot of courage too. making a decision aint easy either. i trust that you know me, know what kind of person am i. i'll never make use of anybody to benefit myself. if you wana come back, you will come back. i dun need to do anything more to force you to come back.

i gave you up not coz of bu ai ni.
but coz you said this is the better choice for you.
love will stay in the heart of both. time will prove how strong this love is.

i carried on.
i can smile to you.
i can be happy for you that you found your xingfu.
i can still be there for you.
i'll still be your baby when you need me and no one else will take away the title of baby from you.
other than wishing you all the best.. really hope you will be happy always. =)

take care.

p.s
i xxxx you.
take care of your health.
pls see doc if really not feeling well.
eat med on time.
smoke less.
rest more. dun play a lot on mahjong.
save up for your future.
eat on time.
no matter how busy, dun neglect gf.
work hard for whatever you want.
JIA yOu.

=)

truly,
` babyangel -

2008-03-11T03:29:00.006+08:00

i realised. im no longer that demanding.
i realised. i no longer anyhow throw temper.
i realised. i learned to give in.
i realised. i learned to appreciate more.
i realised. i learned to be content.
i realised. i grown up.

for all the realising..
i realised. i have to bury that love deep in my hurt.

love the meaning of giving up in - 鬥牛要不要.

2008-03-11T03:12:00.002+08:00

im bleeding inside.
numb. painful. dead.

how to believe in love? how to believe in another person? how to?

my heart pronounced dead.

i no longer know how to love. no longer know how to give other a chance. no longer know how to accept another person to step into my life.

im really happy now and same to be used to my life now.
but how... to put away the fear. how to put away the pain. how to believe in another her.

i duno.

was that really a wrong choice 5 yrs ago...?
was that you who really wish to love me truly?

will you be the one not hurting me anymore?
will you be the one healing my broken shattered heart?
will you be the one giving the best to me?
will you be the one brighten me with smile?
will you be the one....
the one... replaced the previous one...
love me for who i am?

i know running away is wrong...
but...
i still cant figure the way to face it.

will you be the one... letting me believe again?

2008-02-25T01:58:00.002+08:00

seriously. very tired. tired of crying. mentally tired.

looking thru all the post in our shared blog. looking thru her blog. be it, with one of us, give in a lot to each other and been thru too much le.

if it's so easy to forget... den i really got nth to say. i... gave in my best le. also did my best. im really.... tired le.

tired to the extend tat i dun wish to further carry on. drink, drunk, smoke. my life now.

sux right.

2008-02-20T05:38:00.000+08:00

too painful.. so decided to run away.

pain. really very pain.

2008-02-15T03:49:00.002+08:00

*you chosen the way you think it's right and leave me all alone behind. you felt that you are the right one and im the selfish one. im always the one in the wrong. someday, when you turn back, you'll regret for not holding on tight to my hand. someday, when you regret, i'll no longer be in the world for you to apologise. someday, when you know what is love, my heart had die to understand that. SOMEDAY. *

2008-02-15T02:24:00.002+08:00

i date my books for valentine day.

lesson all the way, ends only at 1030pm. forgot my lunch and dinner. headed home after school. forgot that im hungry. forgot that im tired. basically.. a zombie walking around.

tired. really wore out. mummy admit hospital on tue night and i took urgent leave on wed to take care of her. nv realise till than, my family is so important to me. Nv realise till than, i needed so much care, love and concern. well, i just need attention. i can nv be independent. so pls all godness... bless my dad and mum long life. bless my grandma too. losing my grandpa is hurtful enough. i dun wish to lose anyone else. yes. i lost my baby too. maybe i shall remove ~~'my'~~.

reason for not updating... coz my recent feeling since jun 07 is pathetic and sad. so i rather shut up. but apparently, shut up aint the best way to resolve thing. im just avioding the current problem im facing.

stubborn to put it across. i know im stubborn. unreasonable, spolit, demanding, sucks. all on me. im just..... unbearable. i lost the confidence in myself. which.. yes, sucks. sometimes i wonder am i kinda stupid to be so persistant. maybe im just the silly one instead.

no doubt on that. i dun wish to further explain. enough said. enough done. if you're sure that the love is so strong.. maybe you're right. but it might be just to me? not you? i said you can move on well.. you wana live your life without me.. which i respected your decision. not to reply me is your choice. not to bother abt me is your choice too.

i thought i was different. i thought i was a strong girl. but now, i admit im weak. i concede defeat.

i admit i rely on you. i admit you are my habit. i admit you the one still. i admit my smile is still your responsibilities. if the love gonna be so strong, guess the time had already proved. been 1 yr already. but well, the time to you had not proven.

i dun want to let you down. i dun want to lead you on. i dun want to hold you back from where you might belong. you no longer belong to me.....

so i've to be strong now. cannot msg you. cannot call you. cannot nag for you. cannot cry for you. cannot ask for you.

i'll take care of myself when im sick. when im having gastric. when im having cramp. when im feeling stress. when im feeling scared. when im feeling down. when im not feeling well. when im feeling sad. when i feel like crying. when im feeling excited. when im feeling happy. i will need to take care of all these myself.

to reverse it back. my last say that i love.
reverofevolnevaeh.
livedybab evol legnaybab.
ouyevoli.

sorry for everything. sorry for all the hurtful things i did. sorry for loving me till so miserable. sorry for forcing you to give up. sorry that you have to leave me. maybe you'll be better. im just not the one for you. it's too hurtful to love me and i apologise for the misery. thanks for being with me for the past 4 yrs. thanks for all the tolerating. thanks for making me learn and earn myself. thanks for all the hardship we been through. our lowest point of time make me learn to save. though quarrel alot but it's for your own good. thanks for making me learn. our best point of time make me cherish the moment we had. my best memories is on my bday with 99 blue roses and wonderful candelight dinner. my first fav purple rose from you. my first diamond necklace from you. my first diamond ring from you. my hello kitty collection. my clothes from you when you're doing shopping. though you cant really provide me with everything i wan, you'll alway do your best to get it for me. same as it goes, for all that i can afford, i will save the best just for you. i'll keep these memories with me. hope you really can live without my presence. hope the love can be so strong. all the best~

that's the only blessing i can give to you.